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January 2013

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Las Vegas and zombies do NOT mix

Had I known the end of the world was coming on 6/13, I certainly wouldn't have planned to be in Las Vegas. YOU try and tell the difference between actual zombies and folks wandering around the slots machines for 16 hours straight!

Tellin' ya, there's an uncanny resemblence: the dead eyes, the look of confusion/desperation on their faces, the stiff gait from sitting tiny slot stools that grinds into their asses, the never-ending search for either the next feed or a cocktail waitress with free drinks - it's freaky, yo.

Since hearing the first zombie reports from news folk used to reading the exact same copy night after night (it's gonna be hot and traffic sucks), I've noticed most people here are split into two camps: the tourists are convinced that every Las Vegan they see has ALWAYS been a zombie, the most obvious examples being Wayne Newton and Celine Dion. No one can find Sigfried or Roy, apparently they're holed up at their "Ranch" - tho whether they're hoping to avoid the zombie threat, or trying to hide the fact they are indeed zombies is unclear. Those two are more than a little looks-obsessed, and the whole zombie thing is NOT an attractive look. The PETA folks are throwing a fit about all those rare animals wandering around out there, but no one's offering to go spring the poor things.

As for the Locals? Well, very little fazes people who choose to live in Las Vegas (I'm a part-timer), and most folks here have known the truth about Wayne Newton and Celine Dion - not to mention her husband - for ages. I guess we just never thought the call would go out for beings like them to go ahead and drop the humanoid act and pounce on their sold-out/captive audiences. Last night's late-night performances were beyond gruesome from what I've heard (not that any Local would even remotely consider attending one of "those" shows).

There are rumors about herding the zombies and the tourists down to Fremont Street, where they can be contained and either exterminated or allowed to battle it out, literally life-and-death style. Tickets are going for $150 each, and I know a guy who can get a couple, if anyone's interested ...


this still leaves me going "wtf is she on?"

what prompted this? i'm so confused.